Obligatory End Of Year Post

Some will be surprised to find that I'm a "Seinfeld" fan. It's because I like funny and although it can be way too rude sometimes, it exposes the lost human condition; self centered, pleasure seeking, lazy, you name it. For instance, one show has George knocking down women, children, and invalids trying to get out of a burning house. Don't worry, it was a smoke fire. No real danger.

Jerry once tried to help a Pakistani get his restaurant started. The owner thanks him and tells him what a good man he is. Jerry sits there and thinks to himself over and over again with a big grin on his face, "I AM a good man"!

One of the shows touches on holidays. George's dad invented one; Festivus.


"Festivus; for the rest of us," says George's dad. Let me describe some of the traditions that go with the holiday. There's a single metal pole instead of a tree for ornamentation (easy to decorate, eh); a meal where everyone airs their grievances; and afterward, the "Feats Of Strength" where everyone gets to prove how tough they are by wrestling each other. The focus is on self. And so it not-so-humorously-gos with a lot of our holidays too.

Birthdays are a pet peeve. Before the turn of the century, it used to be celebrated early and late in life. Credit for escalating it to the marvel we have now goes to Hallmark, I think. I remember as a child a lot of old people not knowing exactly how old they were because they weren't sure what year they were born! And even more not knowing on what day they were born! Imagine that! I guess they could've been pulling my leg. I jokingly sing, "Happy Self Indulgence Day" to my kids (yeah, we celebrate birthdays).

Tradition! My favorite song in Fiddler On The Roof. Here are some traditions we do for Christmas:

1. Tree goes up the Sunday after Thanksgiving Day.

2. The kids take turns each day putting together a velcro manger scene calendar. Each item has a pocket for a day in December and as that day arrives, the item is velcro'd to the manger scene. In years past, the items were placed in their proper place. Now we have flying camels, cows and sheep; wise men propelling out of the stable as if the boiler room just exploded (must've been because of that star that plowed into it). The angels did their best containing the blast and seem unaffected. No worries. Baby Jesus and his mom and step-dad are fine.

2. We watch "It's a Wonderful Life", "A Christmas Story", and the old "A Christmas Carol" with Allister Sims. Oooo, haven't done the last one yet.

3. Each kid gets some sort of light in their stocking. Last year it was a laser pointer. The year before I think it was a reading light. With the tougher times this year, it was a candle. They also get a stuffed animal (from yard sales) to peer out of the stocking at them; usually a beanie baby that has some feature common with them. This year it was a much larger stuffed animal to take up the stocking slack.

4. We hide a pickle shaped ornament on the Christmas Tree; a German tradition. The kids wait at the top of the stairs Christmas morning until my wife and I are ready, then they bolt for the tree. It used to be the pitter patter of cherub faced crumb crunchers chattering like munchkins. Now it's a clomping herd of adolescents rattling windows and mooing boastful words on their stampede to the tree. The winner gets a prize. Usually one my wife and I have to scramble around for. This year I regifted a laser pointer to David, the winner.

5. We used to bake a birthday cake for Jesus. Now there's one that we need to reinstate!

6. The tree comes down on New Years Day with a death march as we drag the lifeless vegetation to the back of the property to join the previous year's "volunteers". I say "volunteers" because I shudder at calling it what the tree care instructions called it. On the "How To Properly Care For Your Tree," it actually said the tree "sacrificed itself" for our holiday. When I read that, I imagined a tree at Christmas Tree Farm standing there, trying to be brave as it heard the farmer coming. "Here I am. I'm prepared to be a sacrifice," it silently says while invisibly spreading out it's arms and genuflecting to the farmers axe. He walks on by. "Wait! I'm offering myself up! I'm ready! Come back!," says the tree anxiously. Correct me if I'm wrong, but to sacrifice yourself, you have to perform some kind of action to offer yourself as a sacrifice. How exactly does a tree do that?

Enough for now. Be prepared early next year for a continuance of "the airing of grievances" where I'll expound on a list of traditions and myths that are attributed to scripture with no basis in fact (I come from a long line of pot stirrers). Kuumba Kwanzaa and Happy Hanukkah!